But there’s intentionality in this moment not happening the way I desire. It feels like I’m being tortured honestly, but what is really happening is God is giving me space to sit in what I’m feeling rather than finding a way out of it.
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When I wrote those words my heart dropped. Of course the condemning thoughts came. “How can God be your last resort? How awful. You’re supposed to be a christian. You’re supposed to be a leader”. I felt so guilty. But, God immediately met me with the most gentle and sweet spirit. I felt his love and peace overwhelm me.
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What I recognized is that alot of times in sharing my testimony with others it has been for them, and not for me. I haven’t fully received the freedom that comes from the word of my testimony because my testimony has been a route for approval and not healing. This is a form of silencing, honestly.
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Often my prayer has been Lord give me your heart for your people. Teach me how to love like you. Show me how to love. But never has my heart been postured towards asking God to teach me how to love me the way that he loves me. Ever.
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You are needed in the spaces that he’s placed you in. Your presence is on purpose and serves a purpose. You being where you are is intentional.
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Unchecked insecurity leads to comparison and judgement, comparison and judgement lead to division. We all have a specific role to play in what is being unfolded.
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God is unmuting silenced voices in order for His will and purpose to be fulfilled on this earth as it is in heaven.
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